Everyone I know in Los Angeles lowers his or her voice when they talk about Scientology. This religion does more or less run Hollywood, and Hollywood pretty much runs Los Angeles, so people don’t fuck around with Scientologists. Like the mafia, they always find out and they never forget. Scientology is like heroin at this point: You know damn well what you’re getting into when you start to tangle with it, and if you choose to go down that route or date someone who does, well, that’s your problem. Mention Scientology or heroin to almost anyone, and they’ve got a story to tell. This one’s mine.

I still receive mail addressed to the prior tenants of my home. And guess what? Not only do they work within an educational institution, apparently they’re also Scientologists. This weekend my mailbox received the latest issue of International Scientology News, a magazine rounding up all the accomplishments of the previous year and looking forward to what’s to come in 2012. In fact, this one is called, in gold foil lettering, “Countdown to Eternity: Celebrate the Year of Source.” Score! I am totally not supposed to have this....

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